Recently I was reading in 1 Samuel. That story from long ago never ceases to encourage me and be used by God to teach me something.
As I poured over the words a certain phrase stood out to me. It was found in 1 Samuel 1:15b and it said, “but have poured out my soul before the LORD.” The passage surrounding this text is about Hannah praying at the temple and the priest Eli thought she was drunk because though it looked like she was talking, but no noise was coming out of her mouth. Hannah wasn’t drunk, she was pouring her heart out to God!
Hannah was afflicted by her husbands other wife who was able to have children. Hannah was barren. The other wife made sure to let her know that she had no children and continued to be a thorn in this godly woman’s side. Hannah was pleading with the Lord to notice the affliction she was going through and to open her womb and give her a child. When Eli questioned Hannah she shared her heart, “for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto.”
God saw her grief. God heard her request. Our great God answered her prayer and opened her womb and her beautiful baby boy Samuel was born.
I feel like I can relate to this woman, only on the opposite side of the coin. My husband and I have two beautiful children here on earth but I have been pregnant 6 times and 4 of our children are in Heaven. For a year now my husband and I have prayed in earnest that the Lord would close my womb if all I am going to ever do is lose babies. Though it is possible to have something *permanently* done to prevent pregnancy, neither my husband or I had peace about that. We truly feel that God wants us to trust Him fully and completely. The pain, the affliction, the grief of the losses we have endured is very real and not an easy thing to go through. At times I have felt selfish for praying that prayer, but that is the real me. The Lord knows my heart and He knows how much we can and cannot handle.
Recently my husband and I found out that we are expecting. As odd as it may seem, there is only JOY and peace in my heart. I truly believe the Lord has heard our prayers. He has seen our affliction and grief. He knows our hearts and He has once again opened my womb. I believe with all of my heart that the Lord is giving us this baby. Though I do not see the future, I know the One Who does and I trust Him. I trust Him enough to simply take this journey one day at a time.
My thoughts have only been those of excitement when it involves this baby. There is no fear in my heart, right now anyway 🙂 I am choosing to think on things that are true (Phil. 4:8) and what is true is that today I am pregnant! Today there is a growing life inside of me who is worthy to be joyful over! A life is a life and it is a reward and gift from the Lord and learning to keep every thought (and imagination) captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5) has brought freedom.
This baby is God’s answer to our prayers. He did not close my womb, but He opened it again and I earnestly want to simply trust that He is answering our prayer to allow this baby to come to full term and be healthy and one day come to know Him!
I have quite a journey in front of me and I am taking some meds (Doctor’s orders) right now to try and prevent a miscarriage but ultimately the life of this baby is in the hands of his/her Creator. I trust Him with my soul, so how can I not trust Him with the life of this sweet baby?
God is just so good!