It has been a bit on the crazy side over here in our neck of the woods! Summer is definitely a busy time for us, but it’s been a good busy!
The last several weeks the Lord has really been working hard on my trust in Him. How much do I really trust Him? How big am I willing to pray?
A few weeks ago I felt burdened to begin praying for something big. Really big, to me anyway. When the thought came across my mind I thought, “No way! Like God would really answer that prayer? It’s huge! Plus, would He even WANT to answer it?” Then I was reminded of James 1:6, “But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.” My God can answer BIG prayers! I was also reminded of Matthew 7:11 which states, “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” The Lord DELIGHTS in answering our prayers, even the huge ones!
So, when the prayer request crosses my mind, I pray and I do my best to pray in faith with nothing wavering knowing full well that God can answer if it is His will. Maybe one day I’ll share my prayer request with you, but for now I’ll just keep praying and see how God works! It is a stretch of my faith for sure because it is something only God can answer but stretching my faith is a good thing!
Another way God is stretching me is by trusting Him with the life of this baby growing inside of me! I am already attached. I am head over heels and am SO excited with every flutter and kick! Fear is something that likes to creep in at times though. Sometimes I feel like I am in a battle of joy and fear! When I think about this little one I feel just as much love for him/her as I do for my other children here with us. I think of Psalm 139:13-14, “For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” The Lord knows this baby and loves this baby even more than I do. How can I not trust Him all the time with the life of this little one?
Earlier this week I had a few days where I didn’t feel any movements inside my tummy. This week is also a milestone week for us. This is the week that I have lost our last two babies since our stillborn. I was already a bit emotional, but not feeling movements, no matter how much I poked, prodded, drank caffeine, nothing, was just nearly unbearable! It was hard and there were many tears and much praying!
A song, that is also a Psalm, came to my mind. It is one that my children enjoy listening to and it is from Psalm 56:3-4, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” I read those verses, I sang the song and peace came to my heart. I knew that God was hearing my prayers, along with the many others who are praying, and peace swept over my heart. The life of this baby is in the hands of the Lord, whether on earth or in Heaven, and I can trust Him.
I laid down that night and there they were. After two days of feeling nothing, the kicks and flips were back! What a wonderful peace and joy they brought!
Trusting the Lord is a journey for all of us to take. It isn’t something we just *get* one day and never have to learn about it again. It is a constant lesson most of us have to be reminded of.
Our God is so good, isn’t He? I am so very thankful to belong to the King of Kings!