So I’m a mom.
A mother to three beautiful, wonderful, healthy children.
Yes, I am blessed!
So why is it that many nights I find myself climbing into bed, exhausted and feeling like I was an utter failure?
I feel like there is sometimes not enough of me to go around. My children are young and need my attention constantly, we home school them which let me tell you, is not for the faint of heart, though it is very rewarding. Sleep is some times hard to come by. The days can be long and in my exhaustion I may “have a moment”….. you know what I am talking about. A moment where the chaos becomes to much for my brain to handle and I begin to have a meltdown. Usually which consists of going into the bathroom, or even my walk in closet and I cry. My husband has found me in those moments sometimes and asks, “What’s wrong honey?” and sometimes…. more often than I may be willing to admit, I say, “I don’t know! I just need to cry!” He doesn’t understand that need, but he never makes me feel silly for feeling that way. For which I am very extremely thankful. He knows exactly what to do in my delicate weak moments…. just hold me and let me cry.
No one enjoys feeling like a failure. No one.
However, recently my husband and I watched a movie. Mom’s Night Out. Have you seen it?
Oh my goodness, it was as if that film crew had been spying on my day to day life to gain information on what their movie could be about! My children have drawn on walls…. markers have exploded across the kitchen floor even just this week! Red ink flew out of that marker like nobody’s business and streamed across the floor and resembled something you would see at a crime scene! My Kindergartener has learned the perfect art of slithering out of his chair during school and laying under his desk if I even leave the room for one moment to change the babies diaper. My youngest has decided she wants to scale mountains because she is practicing climbing on everything! I could relate so well to the movie on several different levels.
The young mother felt just as I have felt many many days.
Mothering is a lot of work.
However, mothering is always always worth it!
The Lord ordained me, me to be the mother to these precious babies. In my weakness, He knew I would falter. In my humanness He knew I would lose my patience and speak harshly and later on be so broken over that. He knew every single time I would fail each and every day, and yet He still chose me to be their Mama.
Let me tell you, I do not craft with my children every single day, I do not plan my children’s lunches in advance hardly at all so rarely do they resemble a work of art that I see on Pinterest. I do not make homemade soaps and shampoos. I use store bought laundry soap and I’m okay with it! I’m not slighting those who do, I promise! I have compared myself to those who do all those things and more and that is when I feel like I am not good enough. When I compare myself to other mothers I see out and about, I always lose. They always seem better. Their hair, their make up, their parenting, it all seems perfect and I feel disheveled, frumpish and like I don’t know what I am doing!
Yet, God did not call those Mama’s to be the mother to my children. He called me. He knew that with Him and His help I would be enough of a mama for them. I am not a crafty person, though I wish I was, but apparently my children did not need a crafty mama. They needed a mama who was willing to help her husband make a cake that looked like this….. because it brought so.much.laughter to our home that day!! This cake was supposed to resemble Elsa from Frozen. Yes, it hurts my eyes to look at it….but it brought so much laughter from our entire family!
What my children need is a mama who is willing to stop comparing herself to other mama’s and simply cling to the Lord. They need a mama who will encourage them and cheer them on “Yes, you can draw a triangle! It looks beautiful!” as is what took place in our home just this morning.
When I feel I am not enough for my children that is when I am placing way to much pressure on myself and what I feel should be “enough” and what really is enough for my kids. Instead of focusing on reality. God gifted me in different ways and goodness knows we need those crafty people to make non-crafty people like me cakes that will not frighten small children and puppies 🙂
With God I am enough for my children!
If I am relying on the Lord I can pillow my head each night in confidence knowing that with Him, I am not a failure as a Mom. I am not perfect, but I am not failing when I rely on His grace to mother my children.
Being a Mama is amazing! Being a Mama is so worth every hard moment, every tear that is shed, every day is a gift! My heart is full. I am living my dream!!
I am thankful that Christ saw my imperfections and made me a mama anyway. He knew that my imperfections would reveal how great His grace is and that is what it is all about anyway isn’t it? Pointing my children back to Jesus and as I rely on His grace, my children learn to rely on Him as well.
I am a blessed woman!