Opening Up

Can I share something with you openly?  Something that has been a bit hidden away in the secret corner of my heart?  This past year I slipped into a long period of near depression.  It began in the early summer and lasted to the beginning of fall.

I was discouraged and feeling alone, like I didn’t matter to anyone.  If I dropped off the face of the earth would anyone even notice?  I know that openly admitting this I am opening myself up for potential judgements or critics.  Should Christians struggle with discouragement or depression?  The matter at hand isn’t whether one should or not, it is in reality a real battle that I struggled with.  Opening up like this though may help someone else who is currently struggling and giving them the hope of Christ to carry them out of that valley!

One day I began to do some research about these feelings I was having, I knew they were not healthy by any means.  I would pray and read my Bible, but still the feelings were there and a real battle.  In the fall I discovered that sometimes vitamin deficiencies can cause feelings similar to the ones I was having.  I began taking a multi-vitamin but I just couldn’t hack it!  Literally!  It came right back up as soon as it went down!  So I did more research, come to find out some people have trouble taking multi-vitamin!  Ah-ha!  They are like an immune-system overdose and your body just has to get rid of it right away.  Okay, scratch that One A Day off my list!

Another change I began to make though was to get up earlier to spend time with God.  I used to do my devotions during the kids’ nap time, but I prayed and asked the Lord to help me get up earlier and to help me stay committed to doing so every morning.  He has been SO good and SO helpful!  I have not had to set an alarm one time to wake up earlier in the morning!

I get up before the sun and it is sooo quiet in the house, it is blissful 😉  I get the coffee pot brewing and I turn on the fire.  That fireplace alone has done wonders for me! 🙂  Once my first cup of coffee is well on it’s way to my soul, I open my Bible.  As I have mentioned before I have been doing a Bible study through a program called, “She Reads Truth”.  It’s been really helpful to keep me on track and I can really relate to some of the things the women write!  I would LOVE to write for a place like that!

Anyway, my Bible study has been more consistent than it has ever been before, all glory goes to God!  I’m not just reading my Bible to say I read it, but I feel like I’m drinking in the life that I need to make it through our busy days!  Before anyone else is up the Lord and I have spent a good 45 minutes alone together, reading His Word, pouring my heart out to Him and reading books that help me grow as a Christian woman.  After my hubby gets up we read our Bibles together and end our time in prayer.  It certainly makes me feel more connected to him.  After all of that is completed, then the kids are able to get up.

Can I tell you that it has made all the difference in the world for me to get up earlier?  Seriously.  It has been amazing!  I am finding my strength and encouragement in Him!  I am finding myself pondering what I’ve read throughout the day, praying as I go, and learning about speaking life, grace, TRUTH into my children.  My husband told me the other day, “I see a difference in you, you seem so much more joyful!”  I took that as a tremendous compliment!  I took it as a compliment because he is seeing CHRIST at work IN me!  It is all Him!  In my heart dwells no good thing, so the Scriptures tell me.

So this journey I’m on, it isn’t just about getting my physical body in better shape, it’s been about getting my entire mind, soul, and body in better shape!  God is at work, and my days are not perfect and full of roses and lollipops, but each day has SO many gifts in it and I can make the choice to look over those gifts and choose to not see them, or I can choose to search out the gifts that God has laid out for me every.single.day.  GOD makes all the difference!  He is so good and I am so unworthy!  I have SO much to thank Him for!

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