In just over a month our first stillborn son will celebrate 13 years in heaven. The thought of this evokes both tears (I ache to know my boy!) and also gratefulness that I know where he is and that Jesus knows exactly how to care for him. I actually remember coming face to face with this question to my soul…. Did I trust Jesus would care for my son better than I ever could? To a grieving young Mama, my heart screamed no! But Jesus is gentle and patiently walks with us as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. He doesn’t drag us along this path. He often swoops us up in His arms and carries us. It took several months, but my heart and my mind came to the conclusion that yes, my precious sleeping baby would be okay in Jesus’ care instead of mine.
Sometimes when I allow my mind to go back to that dark dark season of life, I am instantly feeling all of those emotions. The fear, the dread of delivery, the sweet receptionist saying, “your face is that of an angel. God is with you”, and being completely taken aback by her words. The peace of God so real in the moment we saw our perfectly formed baby boy with eyes closed and I just wanted to know what color his eyes were.
Sometimes God’s will involves the suffering of His children (1 Peter 4:19 “Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.”) But it is never without His faithfulness upholding them, His mercy enveloping them, His grace being sufficient. Going through hard situations has the ability to teach us to live with our hands wide open for Him to give and take as He sees fit. Learning to pray with humility, “Your will not mine”, and then getting up and doing whatever that will of His is. For me, in those days and weeks and months His will was for me take another breath when I thought I would be crushed beneath the grief. His will was for me to get out of bed when I felt I had no strength to do so. His will was for me to be a loving wife and mother when I felt I had nothing to give. Eventually His will was for me to write this book. To share a story of sorrow and also of my Savior who is faithful. He has faithfully led me all of my life through all of the joys and sorrows and has taught me to earnestly yearn for His will and not my own. He has taught me I am never truly alone when He is with me, and the same is true for you. When God is with you, you are never truly alone 💛 That was my heart when I wrote this book, to let other grieving Mama’s know they are not alone in their grief. In their sorrow there is a Savior longing to comfort. I have been in the mire but can honestly say, God is faithful and He will see you through 💛
Morning Cup of Coffee 